So I have ha a reoccurring message in my life lately. It's this idea that God has a great plan for me and yet I feel stuck in my sin and feel inadequate to move forward. Yeah, my first thought is I know how I supposed to feel and probably be, but down in my heart I know that I am insecure, and think I am not good enough to be used by God. So here are my thoughts and some thing I an working through.
Let's begin with feeling that the sin in my life makes me feel like I not good enough. My heart is pure, but I feel like Paul when he writes:
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. (Romans 7:15 ESV)
I hate that I am fearful, have anxiety, choose not to share my faith, bitter, I gossip, I judge, and the list could go on and on. I am praying that I can honestly repent of my sins and know that God does not see my sin.
So, who am I in Christ. Well, the bible says I am daughter of the King. I am fearfully and wonderfully made For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:13, 14 ESV)
This is something that I am discovering. God has given me
Gifts and abilities. I need to pray and seek what the specifics are and how to use them in my life.
The last thing, I want to remember where I came from, so I am reminded of his grace and blessings in my life. I was depressed girl who absolutely hated life. I was a selfish girl, who thought life was all about her. I wanted everything to be laid out for me.
I think about points is my life where God blessed me and protected me. In high school I wanted to drop out, for no reason, and actually I did (that's a story for another day). Anyways he protected me and I ended up back in school, graduating magna cum lade with honors. I am now a college graduate. This is not me. I'm the first in my immediate family to do this. I could be an alcoholic. It runs in my family and I dabbled in it, but God has showed me that road leads to nothing but anger and bitterness. I also was lost and just living life with no purpose and no direction. Holding on to the fact I knew about God; however, had no relationship with him.
He has placed people in my life that love on me, put up with my shenanigans, mentor me, tell me how it is. God is good and it is only by his grace that I am here. My struggles and failures are my past, and I am moving forward, choosing to leave the past.
Ps I'm trying to get Emily to do a post .